I must first make the disclaimer that this post is emotionally charged while in an intellectual medium to work through my feelings. In other words, I am owning that what is being said in this post may or may not be the reality of the situations, but is my perception.===========
My prayer for the last few months has been that God would vindicate me. There are some things that are flying around in the winds of other people's mouths about me that are not true. They paint a picture of me that is unfair and damaging to my reputation. I have always done my best to be a man of just character even when those around me do not do so towards me. I do it not only for the sake of the people, but because I believe it to be the right thing to do. So when people tell only half the story and get other riled up against me, I do not respond by telling the parts of the story that will damage their character. That is a choice I have made and I am willing to suffer the consequences thereof. Nonetheless, I doesn't make it any easier to handle emotionally.
This morning, after yet another blow to the heart, I began reading the scriptures about vindication, particularly the acts and prayers of David. My search led me to 1 Sam. 24:15. This is the text where David confronts Saul after he had the opportunity to kill him, but did not. David says to Saul, "... may [God] vindicate me by delivering me from your hand" (2Sa 24:15c). This phrase enlightened something in my spirit. Maybe God is vindicating me by reducing the people in my life that mean me no good. Sometimes it is hard to discern the difference. The very people that say they love you and are for you are often the people that will kill you at the most opportune moment. Me? Well, I have a never dying hope and love for people. I work to keep everyone who has been a part of my life in my life. I see that this is not a good practice. So now, I must allow God to vindicate me by removing people from my life without me fighting to keep them.
As for the lies, half-truths and self-engrandizing put downs of others, I will just have to wait until God sends Truth to clear those up. Like David, I refuse to put others down or kill them in order to save my own reputation. That is God's job.
And as for the people that believe the lies, half-truths and self-engrandizing put downs of others, Jill Scott says it best for me: "I don't feel no fault for the lies you bought." You have chosen to believe others without giving me the chance to respond. You have made it up in your mind that I am guilty without a fair inquiry. For that, I am not responsible, nor will I assume any responsibility for it.
The more I am in leadership in a religious/spiritual context, the more I understand that this is a lonely position. I am also even more sensitive to those who are my leaders and those who carry a greater weight than I. They have in me a person who prays for them constantly and prays for their strength.
For the LORD will vindicate his people and have compassion on his servants. - Ps 135:14
